How to Procrastinate: Packing for Camp
In my efforts to put off packing for camp as long as possible, I am writing a blog post to help those of who need a few tips on Procrastination.
You roll your eyes now, sure. You think that you just turn on the TV and sit? No. Procrastination is not just sitting. It is an art form, and class is now in session.
1. Know what your actual minimum deadline. This is key to being a successful procrastinator. If your alarm clock goes off at 6 AM, but you know that you can actually get ready late-ninja style in 10 minutes, well, there you go. You know your minimum start time and laze around until then.
2. Keep reading this blog. At least a few minutes closer to your goal.
3. Trick yourself into thinking you’re being productive. For example. I put my clothes in the washer… but really that just puts off me packing for another hour.
4. Distract yourself with something semi-productive. Twist logic however you need to for this to work. I am doing a blog post for all my readers waiting with baited breath. After this I might head over to pinterest and find some life saving ways to use mason jars that I could never survive without.
5. Make yourself believe what you are doing is really actually important… this is again where the logic twisting magic of your pro-procrastinators comes into play.
6. Make others believe what you are doing is actually important. “But mom, I HAVE to write this blog post.”
7. Push away that guilt. There is always tomorrow. Unless you die… then it really didn’t matter anyways did it?
8. At the last possible second, run around like a 4 year old with a monster energy drink trying to get everything done. This step includes but is not limited to the following actions: running around the house, being able to find nothing, yelling at everyone in the house asking if they’ve seen your other shoe, yelling at them to “stop being lazy and help me look,” getting really mad when they don’t help, getting distracted by something else that you found more entertaining than your lost shoe, finally finding your shoes just when your sure the dog ate it, falling asleep with everything “almost done”
9. You wake up the next morning and you realize “almost done” means something way different than it did four hours ago. Last night almost done meant zipping up your bag. This morning it means: finding socks, packing a tooth brush, remembering you need bedding and towels, running around like a mad woman ultimately skipping breakfast and making you really irritable.
10. You made it. You get there and realize you forgot a minimum of three things, but you have friends and decide to make the best of it… and mooch off of them.
Congrats: Your diploma will be in the mail any day now! You’re a PROcrastinator! Woo!