The Mummy: Life Saving Life Lessons
The Mummy has to be an all time favorite movie of mine. Breelin can attest to the fact that I pathetically probably have it memorized… and who wouldn’t? Evie’s British accent is just too fun not to copy. Seriously.
Even with dated graphics, and some awful CG, The Mummy is great. Brenden Fraiser is awesome. Evie is totally my hero. Librarian book nerd in search of treasure, adventure, and knowledge makes her way to a non existant city in Egypt… haunted by the most evil man to ever live… and then what? She brings him back to life! How’s he thank her? Two words, human sacrifice.
I believe one of few things most people would agree on: being sacrificed to bring a 3000 year old lady’s corpse back to life doesn’t sound all that fun. Luckily she’s got O’Connell… and a drunk brother with sheer dumb luck.
So… without any further ado I bring you Life Saving Life Lessons straight from
Hollywood Egypt itself! (Con commentary by yours truly).
1. Ladders and Libraries do not mix.
2. If they have to mix, might I suggest not setting up your giant book shelves like a huge game of dominoes…
3. When you don’t heed my warning, and they do mix… run.
4. Ancient mummy coffins, great place to scare people.
5. Don’t let a guy on death row kiss you, instant love.
6. Americans are apparently all from the “wild west” and therefore all know how to shoot a gun while drunk and playing cards.
7. Don’t trade your sister for the camels (which apparently run faster than horses? Who knew?)
8. When you do find an ancient (gooey) mummy, don’t open the case.
9. When you open the case anyways, don’t read from the evil haunted book of death.
10. When you do that anyways (you suck at listening), run away.
11. When the evil now walking rotting corpse of doom follows you to Cairo and you discover he’s afraid of cats… become a freaking cat lady! Stat!
12. When you still don’t listen (I mean how hard is it to hold on to a kitten for a few days?), pray… but never lose your sense of humor or sarcastic wit. YOLO, right?
BONUS: Apparently you don’t OLO, because this mummy comes to life again in the sequel and dies like 5 times.
Yes, the lessons you learn from The Mummy are indeed valuable, possibly life saving. A copy of this movie should be in every “Welcome to Egypt” packet.
Okay, go watch The Mummy, enjoy it as much as I do (every single time I watch it).
PS. I hope you listen better than the people in movies, who never listen to me no matter how loud I yell at them. Oh well, their loss.